The Pepper Debate

An apple a day keeps the Doctor away, and every person in England knows it.  Why?  Because it’s drilled into us from the moment we can eat solid foods.  I guarantee that if you were to visit any primary school in the country at break time, you’ll see a tray of cut up fruit – or at least quarters of oranges and apples.  Then, when you’re a little bigger and don’t make such a mess, you’ll get the whole piece of fruit to sink your teeth in to.  And that’s how it continues into adulthood.  Well, with exceptions for larger fruits such as pineapple or coconuts - you can’t just go around taking bite after bite of a whole pineapple now, can you?

Last week, my best friend Hannah turns to me and asks, ‘how do you eat peppers?’  Before I tell you any more, it’s important to know that Hannah only asks these types of questions when she is doubting her own behaviour. 

I gave my boyfriend, Faisal, a puzzled look and then replied, ‘I cut it up into strips.’  Raising my eyebrow at Han, I realised I hadn’t given her the answer she desired, confirmed by the disappointed ‘oh’ that followed. 

‘Whyyyyy?’ I asked. 

Hannah then told me the most bizarre thing I’ve heard all year.  Possibly ever.  Last week, she was casually sitting at her desk at work when she pulled out a whole pepper from her bag and… took a bite!  A whole pepper.  Like, straight-off-the-shelf-in-Tesco pepper.  I didn’t know whether to laugh or be offended on behalf of humanity.

After she attempted to justify herself several times, we came to the unanimous decision - okay, so it wasn’t unanimous but it was 2 against 1 - that this was one of the weirdest behaviours we’d ever heard of.  Then, I carried on living my life happily for five days under the belief that my best friend must have been abducted by aliens as a child and that the rest of the human race reserves this behaviour for more solid fruits, such as apples and plums. 

On the fifth day, however, another whole-pepper-eater showed themselves and this time, I had to witness the heinous act with my own eyes! 

Sitting at my desk, minding my own business, I became aware of the rustle of tin foil besides me.  My colleague stayed peering at his computer screen while he unravelled a large, red pepper.  Then, he took a bite!  Of course, my first reaction was horror.  Second, I had to inform my best friend that I’d found another weirdo for her to eat peppers with. 

My third reaction was a bit trickier given the close proximity to which me and my colleague sat, and the fact that I hadn’t actually spoken to him before.  In my defence, I wasn’t sitting in my usual spot – it’s not like I ignore my colleagues…  

I carefully tilted my phone in my hand, ensuring that the ringer was off (I’ve been caught out before), and took a picture.  I sent it to Han, whose response was ‘YES MY KINDRED SPIRIT… we are everywhere… bravo dude’ followed by ‘bet he skilfully avoided the seeds as well.’  I must admit, that I found skilful.  The worst part of cutting peppers is trying to eliminate the seeds which ultimately end up everywhere.

I began to worry that those of us who don’t eat peppers whole are the weird ones but, luckily for me, a few of my other horrified colleagues piped-up to ask WTH he was doing.  My whole-pepper-eating colleague, like Hannah, was convinced this was the norm.  So maybe there are more of you!  I want to know – how do you eat your peppers?